freshbytes

No, I’m not talking about those sorts of benefits. Instead, I’m talking about benefits of the intellectual kind – the ability to calculate things insanely quickly, the ability to do huge sums in my head, the natural understanding of concepts, strategies, and techniques. You’ve all heard of them – those genii who live glamerous but secluded lives, squandering their hard-earned on their many earthly posessions, passions, or even both.

If life were a Hollywood movie, they would be the ones the government calls on in times of emergency, when the words “national security” are whispered between men in black trenchcoats.

Enough of the narrative, though – needless to say, I’m not like those guys. Instead, I have to endure social awkwardness without any of the usual side-effects of such people, such as those with mild autism – their gifts are genius-level intelligence, a razor-sharp mind, and a helping of witty repartee at my disposal.

Sure, I don’t think I do too badly when around friends. The days of where I would top the class in almost every test are long gone, though, and now all I have to look forward to is scraping a mark meager enough for me to pass – but only just.

Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to be one of those guys, like the Bug in Matthew Reilly’s Hover Car Racer, who can calculate the most effecient course through a maze-like combination of gates and point scores, all in a number of seconds. There’s also this game on the iPhone, whose name I cannot remember at this particular time, where you had to flip a tile to set off a chain-reaction of other tiles. I’m sure that there’s some sort of pattern that would allow me to create a tileset that would continue indefinitely, but for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out the correct one – my highest scores thus far have been flukes from a random arrangement of tiles.

Smart? I’d love to be smart – but does intelligence come with being smart, or is it the other way around?

written by Benny Ling \\ tags: awkward, benefits

Right – as a sort of payback for the abysmal 50th post here on freshbytes, I’d like to try and write something a little better now that I’ve got some sleep, and also because I”ve got some study out of the way.

Righto – so I’d just like to open by saying that I’m not a fan of leaving Calvin. It’s been more than fantastic, and many people will tell you that your school life is the better part of your life. For me, I feel like there won’t be too many events which eclipse the pure awesomeness of your school, and especially your high school.

Having been a Calvin-ite for all my schooling years I feel like there’s this connection to the place which will always be there – as it should be!

I was asked by a colleague (who also went to Calvin, incidentally) if I shed any tears at the final assembly. I didn’t, but I’m sure that some of last year’s year 12’s did, and some of the girls this year were on the verge… Anyway, my colleague – he’s a man’s man. They kind that drink intense amounts of beer, go on massive outdoor treks, party hard, etc. I was actually surprised that he, of all people would have been one of the ones to get all emotional at something like your last assembly.

Perhaps the difference between us was the fact that he shed tears – and I didn’t, so maybe that’s why I’ll keep hanging on for a long period of time. I have no idea whether he wants to go back or not – but I am dammed sure I do.

So I read somewhere that people might not remember what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel – and I just thought that was incredibly profound.

Now, how have I made people feel? Once you ask yourself that question, you’ll know how you stand when you meet your friends in the street.

I know that I’ll have made some people feel awkward. Awkward silences can do that, as can incredibly-long, over-stretched relationships (or lack thereof) that have just peetered out (yes, that is a word) into the void… My fault, not theirs.

I also know that I’ll have made some people feel relaxed. Don’t feel obligated to to say anything when you’re around me – we can just sit, each to their own thoughts, and just “be”.

Maybe that’s the kind of person I am – if so, I can live with that

Regrets? Sure. I don’t think I know anybody who wouldn’t do it all again differently – at one point or another, we’ve all stuffed up in our life and for some, that can have real consequences – but for others, it’s mainly stuff that that they wouldn’t have done again.

Would I have started my own website had I had the chance? By all means, yes. A hundred times, yes.

Would I have spoken more had the time called for it? Probably.

Would I have bought black forest cake for a certain someone again? Definitely. A hundred thousand times yes.

In the end, it is about the choices that we’ve made, and it is those very same choices that will shape how we are as human beings – and I feel that Calvin has played a huge part in how those choices have affected my life.

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written by Benny Ling \\ tags: awkward, Blog, calvin, choices, feel, regrets, study